Date night what?

OK guys so you have to know that girls especially single girls, share. No, not like you're thinking because you're a guy and you have a dirty, dirty mind. No we do not share pillows...no we do not share boyfriends... no we do not share showers or bras or straws or Chapstick or any other weird Phalic thing you think. But we do share secrets, tips, warnings, eff up stories, and poor stupid human male behavior. Yes I am talking about dating. As a whole... Women read each others blogs, text stories, call about gossip, cry on each others shoulders, and blast about you at work to our coworkers. We cry over you at night. We hit the gym harder to get that killer booty. We even dedicate a new Taylor swift song about you in our head. And belt out in the car! But mostly. We learn lessons. Yes. Lessons. Because history repeats itself it's hard to actually remember all the lessons we learn the first time around. But believe you me... Lessons even though they may hurt, they build strength and instill determination. The stories and trials and shit we put up with while dating actually help us learn how to better our screening process. I know why I am single. I am so picky!!! I know better... Because I have learned from experience and I just don't want to make that mistake again. Now I  get it... You think I'm just bitter but you could be so far from the truth! I am very hopeful and still hold faith that my timing is just off. But look at all the heart ache we may have saved our fellow sisterhood by b*tching and griping about all the dbags we encounter and share our survival methods!

We are brain washed as small girls that boys are mean cuz they "are just being boys". They are just gonna be rough with you and "tease you cuz they have a crush on you." Which is also false. Boys that are mean are never gonna change. They just grow up to be a mean man. So please girls just keep swimming in this mucky water pond cuz eventually the duds will float to the top and get flushed by society. Leaving the good ones to be snatched up by an equally deserving gal. Ok dolls. NEVER SETTLE! Ever. And for giggles sake please continue to share about your dating yays and nays! Hashtag tinderswipeleft. Goodnight 

Holly Golightly

Sometimes I feel just like Holly in Breakfast at Tiffany's. No one gets me. I am so independent, almost too much for my own good. And as for guys, I wish there was a paul varjak... or fred, dear fred as she calls him. Wheres my fred baby? Someone to run shenanigans with and to talk to about my worries and dreams! And who doesn't care about my morning after hair... or my cat(s).








Oh and today was day 1 of the Emily Skye F.I.T. program. Eat and workout... gotta stay on track and prep and work! Day 1 success...

Date deets. Different guy. Different day.

You have girls flocking to you at every church/singles event. You NEED the attention. 

You sent me multiple selfies to my cell and begged for some in return. I owed you apparently. Here's a selfie *flipping bird* 

You obsess about the game. Everyone hates you according to your paranoia. But honestly. You bring on all your frenemies yourself. 

You live in California. And visit here on business trips? What am I a potential booty call? Maybe I should be flattered. 

Third times a charm? You failed two first date chances and ask for a third? hmmm..

Your mom told you I was too old to date you? and then you tell me this.... can you say mommy issues?

You sent me like five shirtless pics with a very hot bod... but how many other women got that same pic? Just think about that

Yummy posty.

Warning: yummy post ahead

Favorite celebrity men. I am completely objectifying men. And I admit this proudly. It's practically a shirtless celebration! You're welcome. 

Model. Chad White

Schmodel. Andrew Baptiste

Singer. Luke Bryan

Actor. Ryan Reynolds

Dancer. Channing Tatum

TV. Adam Rodriguez

WWE. John Cena 

Fitness competitor. Sean Sarantos


Football. Eric Decker

Baseball. Michael Morse. Mariners.

Soccer. Cristiano Ronaldo

Reality. Juan Pablo (the bachelor)

Host. Chris Powell. (Extreme wt loss)

Mascot. Swoop! Go Utes!

Let's all pray, Amen.

Bubble butt.

Squats? My bad I thought you said Shots! 

Squat songs to listen to while you're at the gym :

 Wobble. V. I. C.



Get it from my mama. Will I am.



Bubble butt. Major Lazer


"I am a [female] who can speak in full sentences and in no interest in a sugar daddy. I am the minority!" Thanks Nicole Arbour lol Ps we will talk about your fat shaming video later. Funny shit, but wrong. Haha she also quotes about those "Do nothing bitches. Who just try to be hot and do nothing. Waiting for some guy to come take care of them."

So ladies. Do your part and do your squats. And stop being such difficult humans. You make the rest of us awesome normal women look bad.

Get ya paper, boy.

Divorce decrees are kinda like the wardens signature of your freedom.

Dating these guys has actually made me dread the future more now than ever. Is that all that's left? Still married-ish dudes or dudes finishing marriage #2 or 3? Or better yet... 35 and in UTAH and never married before. With no intention to be committed. 

Also. On a similar note. 

Match.com-I have rekindled my love hate relationship with you. I like to click on the guy's email that go to my filtered inbox and then click on their profile to see why it sent them to my filtered inbox. Like, "guy why you tryin to fool me. I see you ain't got game. That's why you got filtered. " 


this is a stock photo and in no way any guy I am bitching about.Yummmmm

Tricks.

"Why didn’t you tell me there was danger? Why didn’t you warn me? Ladies know what to guard against, because they read novels that tell them of these tricks; but I never had the chance of discovering in that way" 

Very wise words by Tom Hardy.

It's Getting more tricky every day when it comes to dating and I have no problem telling a guy off or explaining what I think of his actions and for that I feel kind of bad. But I kind of don't in the same boat because I'm so burnt out of dating I'm to the point now where I just need a break.

The Adonis.

The Adonis belt ie: the V Taper

It is my favorite male part ever. Men- send me selfie pics of this instead of dick pics. You are greatly appreciated. 

Addicted to you.

Tonight I can't sleep I found myself perusing Facebook like most of us fools who can't sleep at night do. And there it was. Someone somewhere who is a mutual friend of me and my ex love you know the one posted a picture of the boys night out. Stopped me dead in my tracks and literally took my breath away. Why do I miss him? Why do I even care? Why do I still love him or maybe is it just the thought of him? Am I ever going to Move on? Will I ever go a day where he doesn't cross my mind or I pass his work all the time on my way to my work? Does he even think about me!? How's it possible for someone to hurt you so bad yet you still Cry for them? No one compares to him nor do they look, act, smell, taste, or feel like him. He has no idea he Crosses my mind. Why couldn't you have just been mine!? Why did you have to share yourself so much? And now me.. with so many questions. Why? I feel like there's so much unfinished business. *sigh* moving on. Well at least today I will try. Makes it very hard to fall in love when your heart still belongs to someone else. Oh the Walls. 

On a lighter note I had this thought the other day: " Sugary foods are like a bad ex-boyfriend you just can't help going back to it every time you quit it. " it's funny because even though I definitely don't know what to do in dating and in love but I still try and I can't help it. Curse the hopeless romantic bone in my body. Even as of this weekend I still let guys talk to me a certain way because I feel that deep down they don't mean it and that they are just as deserving of love as any other guy. Every time I left baffled as to why I let them get away with it and then I start to question myself worth. Here in Utah, the ratio of single lds ish women is 3 to 2 men. So there are no choices to be made. Men can and will just "date around" until they find their dream wife. As an old female in this state... I am now aging past that "hook-up culture" and no longer seem like a good prospect worth investing. The only advantage I seem to offer is for physical touch. No matter that I have a good job, an education, a home, a car, lots of skills and hobbies, and even sarcasm. Which I know, can go a long way in a relationship. So today, I will enjoy my own sarcasm. 

But in the meantime please enjoy this dancing unicorn

via GIPHY

Unsolicited below the belt pics.

Today is Friday... Hooray! Hurrah!

In other news, Man hater ranting may or may not present in this postey: 

What the heck is is about guys sending pictures of themselves? You all are worse and more vain than most women. Ugh. I am not a big fan of selfies. I am judging you by the  kind of selfie you take. Or lack thereof. Don't send me a dick pic. Just son't. Girls honestly DO NOT LIKE IT! And if you MUST do so, please send a preemptive text saying "hey bae I am sending you an unsolicited below the belt pic, please be advised." Cuz its just gonna jump pout of my iPhone and slap my in the face, which is not awesome either. Just know that I have been half tempted to text blast your pic to all my female frenemies and/or maybe even an ex bf. Just sayin.

** This is definitely not our reaction to your nakey selfie, unless of course you are Channing Tatum, Ryan Reynolds, or Bradley Cooper. **

On another note, food for thought. My dad used to have to set aside money each paycheck into a dating fun in order to afford taking girls out on dates. I don't know how you guys afford dating. The more I date, the more I try to put myself out there, more often I see a guy second time third time fourth time, I think "dude you could be saving so much money right now if you weren't such a big loser taking girls out all the time one after another." It's funny because when you date someone serious they're also doing nice things for you like making you dinner. Or treating you to a nice restaurant. Or even better surprising you with groceries of yummy foods that you guys can make a dinner together. I am a good girlfriend. I make cupcakes or chocolate covered strawberries for your and your work buddies so you are the cool kid in school. I give back rubs and listen to stories you tell when you need to vent or celebrate the good times you have! Casual dating is $$ guys. Essentially, men today are pretty much feeding other men's wives when you think about it. Think of all the fun stuff you could do with all that money if you just stop dating jso many random girls. Or maybe its just me bein a jealous hater.

And while we are on the texting topic... stop sending me texts about woe is me and how you're lonely and want a good woman. Blah blah I hear it from all of the men I talk to. You obviously aren't their {any woman's} cup of tea either. Its all about quality, not quantity. Jus sayin... So maybe invest a little time. You are so lucky I am giving you such sound relationship advice. You are so very welcome. (:

Peruse my brainsie and heartsie

Hater rant. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. 
Girls that are pretty at everything are the bane of my fat ass existence. It's hard enough feeling like I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, or fun enough. Now add the competition into the mix. 

Girls are so mean to other girls. It's sickening. These women though are pretty much good at nothing. 

They are however pretty. So their looks get them far. Free shit! It really pays to be pretty. Guys like to look at you so they ask you out to dinner. Free food! They want to spoil you. Free jewelry. They love you to look nice. Free shopping spree. They also want to parade you around as arm candy. So... Date nights all the time! Yay! You would think it would get tiring though. Being pretty all the time. If you think about it though they really don't have time to go get an education and a real job. Not listing these "career choices" as to not offend anyone more than I already have in this bloggie post. But for real. Good for you girl! Go breed some more pretty people. Mankind's existence depends on your lack of altruism and conscience of us sub-par female competition. As for the men. You justify the girl magazines just as much as we do.


I want to love my body. I need to be happy about all my accomplishments. But sometimes, "Sweatpants are all that fits me."

I had a conversation with a guy recently and he admitted that Maxim magazine versus Cosmo promotes less skinny and pretty girls than Cosmo does. Which I agree in a sense. But both these magazine companies encourage beauty as the number one priority. Don't believe me? Just walk to the checkout at any grocery store or log on to any social media site. 

As for the research, guy you should read this study done by the University of Oregon  http://journalism.uoregon.edu/~cbybee/j388_u02/projects/cosmomaxim.html

and an article by The Society Pages 

http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/01/16/comparing-covers-of-maxim-and-cosmo/

Now I want you to compare these images of one of my favie celebrities
CAMERON DIAZ and decide which shoot is maxim and which is cosmo and then decide who is more suggestive in the ideal of a desirable woman.

OK

"Broken. In all the midst of being brOKen.. You are going to be OK"

I think throughout the dating scene, we women have been dealt a great disservice. And then serves the male masses the same in return. Most guys in the dating scene today though are hurt or broken from a woman they once loved. They turn around and treat us sweet/nice girls like doodoo and then we put up walls as a result to protect our own hearts. After dealing with those winner dbags noted above... We broken hearted ladies, in turn treat men as disposable and useless items and assume their worst intent. This assumption turns on the the worry of the 'hurricane that never existed in the first place' button... Causing world wide panic in our female minds. 

So what now? How do you fix this? 

Accept the things you can not change. 

Love without prejudice. 

Never give up hope. 

Try and try again. 

Face your fears. 

Drink the venom... Chase it with the antidote. 

Live to love another day. 

Kiss yourself in the mirror. 

Xoxo, D

Morning giggle

#thestruggleISreal 

Hahahha just thought you would all like to know what a cute single gal has to deal with. Well I guess I'd take vain over liar or cheater but seriously. 

JUST THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO SEE MORE PICS OF ME!

Hmmm day 5 ugh

Day five of the detox. Getting easier to deny the foods I used to crave because I replaced them with healthier options. Even today. Had a bunch of fruit and nuts for an afternoon snack and a salad minus rice and flour tortilla for late lunch with a cute boy. Then I went to the gym at a fabulously different (later) hour. It was so nice to not see the drama squad and the douche bags. Yay for that plus. Now a yummy home made salad for din din So all in all not a bad day. Gotta remember to drink more h20. I need a way to drink more of it. 

And FYI I am all about second lunches hahahhaha! 

Day 3

Detox day 3. Hard to eat well when you go on a date for lunch. But no dinner tonight because I would rather not be such a fatty. 

 

I sure hope I learned my lesson today. Or tomorrow I'll go to bed hungry again. 

Self love. Good reminder.

Hashtags and old hags.

#bootybuilding is a new term for working out hard to get the ultimate sexy derrière. Lucky for me I already have a booty. Just need to tone it up a bit. Lunges, squats, and planks are what will get me there. For sure. Thanks rappers and hip hop for celebrating the booty. We salute you! As for this old hag.. never too late to get sexy!


I leave you tonight with a fabulous workout routine by my favorite trainer/motivator
EMILY SKYE



Current workout songs: in case you need a booty song

Ghosts.

When you meet someone you like, find there's chemistry, and then allow your wall to become permeable... You become vulnerable. What I find more common now with dating is the sudden or abrupt disappearance of the so called porential mate. This actually has a name for this action. It's called ghosting. The person actually passively (and cowardly) ends the relationship by simply disappearing there is no explanation of why they left... And the one who is left is puzzled at where they went wrong. This actually happens to me every once in a while. There isn't any actual communication as to the disolve of the relationship or friendship. Just hurt and confusion. Most of the guys who do this are emotionally unavailable to start with. They have a fear of commitment in general and don't have the confidence to believe they can move past their insecurities. When one door closes though... Another one opens. I am surprised that these ghosts still keep my number and find themselves apologizing or asking for another chance. Oh gawwwwdddd please. Don't think I write them off entirely. I just want the guy to be happy and know they are deserving of love. If I can't offer it... But I can't help but wonder what the heck is wrong with me though. I am such a catch. What guy in his crazy ass dumb mind would let me slip from his fingers!?!?

On a more positive note... I started a 7 day cleanse. I can only eat whole foods and nuts, fish, veggies and fruits. No dairy. Tons of water. Which is already hard for me. But I'm so serious about losing this weight and getting my body on the road to healing. I had a massage today after a eucalyptus steam bath. So day one. Done. Surprisingly I don't feel hungry. I feel great! 

The word of a man.

The word of a man is just a word. Actions are what make a man worth your time. How can a woman, nay, QUEEN trust a man by what he says and then watch him do nothing. No follow through. That's right ladies. We are queens. And shall be treated and worshipped as though.

As a queen myself, I have had the opportunity to date quite the multitude of not-so-winners. The one thing in common they all seem to have is lack of follow through. Just a fish bowl of noncommittal players with needs for ego and attitude adjustments. 

I've compiled a list of un-datable characteristics that I've experienced with these pawns. They forget... They didn't win the game. No one has landed this queen as their own precious jewel. I'm a marquis diamond surrounded by platinum and gold baby! This is just a start. Enjoy. 

you are not worth my time if:

*you are so emotionally unavailable that your ex still has your heart balls by the fist! 

*you have to brag about dating miss Utah or former supermodels. Please. 

*you cheated on an ex or a term paper 

*your mom is your best friend 

*one or more of your vehicles have 2 wheels... And you don't wear a helmet

*your # is over 50.. No bugs or crabs please

*the gym is your solace, two hours a day or more

*all your meals are prepared and chased with bcaas or post workouts

*your bros have a code

*you drive a lifted pretty truck

*you take meds to sleep and meds to keep you awake and alcohol to numb the inevitable  

*you fool around with girls you met at the gym 

* your idea of a date night is me coming over to give you a back rub

* knocked up your current girlfriend and still think you can get some from another 

* you are commitment phobic 

* you have five or more roommates I mean c'mon!!

*your grammar sucks and you're bad at spelling 

* you ask a girl out on a date and then spend an hour prying her about her previous relationship fails

* you've yet to graduate college or even start

*flirting is your primary language

*your cell never stops and you keep responding while on a date 

* you're in a band.Nuff said 

* you send highly suggestive picture messages and ask for the same in return

*you Snapchat 

* you live one or more states away make no effort at all but insist I don't date anyone else. 

* you claim to be a Peter priesthood but then willing to take your garments off

* non-smokers please, gross 

* you take more selfie's than a high school girl

* your last recent girlfriend was a high school senior

*you use POF gross. 

* your TV cost more than your car 

Last one for the night: 

* it's been two months and you've yet to make verbal contact. But text almost every day 

(This was cute! Totally my kinda witty little diddy.)

And the trumpets they go...

So, I had heard a sweet song a month ago and it plays on the radio a lot.
Jason Derulo: Trumpets. I'm sure you've heard this song before. If not, I'll post it on this posty. I happened to go on a date last week and the guy was cute and funny. But as soon as he was comfortable around me at dinner, he let me in on his naughty body ways and how he's not quite divorced yet but has had one heckofatime with all the women that want to sleep with him. The latest he bragged about was a friend with benefits that "won't leave me alone and she always wants to {eff me}". And said he can't deny her because he hears symphonies in his head when she gets undressed. Quoted just like the song illustrates.
Ok what?

Jason Derulo - "Trumpets" from Vh on Vimeo.

Let's just say this immature man slut will not be getting a second date from me... Or anything else. What a weirdo loser. Maybe he was bragging to make me jealous? Who cares? When I think if this guy, I hear, Carly Simon: you're so vain. Bahahahha



Now, every time I hear sweet Derulo sing and hum those lip trumpets I imagine how many guys have thought that about me. Thanks for the great introspection.