Kiss what?

Blown away

There's not enough snow in utah to drive the pain out of this mind. I am torn between my soul and my mind. My mind and my heart. My heart and my dreams. My dreams and reality. What is real and what is not. And in the end. These all compose what is left of me. A broken down horse left for dead. It's use has expired. It's purpose now forgotten. It's beauty faded. It's love jaded. And it's life flying by. What's is life's purpose if not to get married, have a family and a picket fence?! How do people get to have sweet little girls and treat them like they are garbage? I love this music video so much. I love the song even more. I don't know why anyone would take their Devine right for granted. Do drugs and drink alcohol while pregnant. Beat their living children. Neglect or starve them. Use them for selfish purposes. Destroy their emotions and soul. This Christmas was the first one I spent alone. I mean without a significant other of some sort. I thought about it actually. I am tired of being alone. Giving purpose to everyone else. I want to be selfish. I am so sick of dating. I gave it up and I'm still miserable. Lol so now what?! Well I saw today on the news that Russia is cutting back on their adoptions. How sad. I think someday I want to adopt a little girl. I know I'd be a great mom. And I think of all the love in the world to give I could do it! To keep. To love! To teach. To grow with. To laugh with. To play and sing with. To cry with. And maybe heaven will save a spot for me even without a husband. Because honestly I don't think a husband is in this life's plan. And I am ok with that. I am going to be thinking
Very hard about this years plans. Anyone have any tips or any help that would be more than amazing!


(Don't worry little girl! God makes disasters and dreams. All for a reason!)
I love this song!!! And I luv the good life!

Merry Christmas

From puma and Danielle!!
This year has been full of adventure I tell you. Wow. But where would I be without my little man by my side?! (: enjoy the stick figure family I created! Hahah

Yes.

Yes I have two tattoos. They have amazing meaning and are personal. I don't go around flaunting them to dudes. Some of my coworkers have seen them. Most of my family. Some friends. None who would judge me. I got this stupid text this morning

"Do you have any piercings or tattoos? I think it's important to know." Blah blah I said its kinda personal. He said to send a pic. I was not about to do as asked. Picture messages to a stranger. And of a personal space. Eeek! I asked why he was asking these questions and why not try to get to know non-physical stuff. And I get this. "How the hell is asking if you have tattoos or piercings physical!? Sorry that you can tell a lot by if you do and I don't want that. I think it's creepy you have tats and act like that! " JUDGE NOT ASSWHOLE!

30 rock is my moral compass

Jenna:
How's it going in there?
Liz:
Great. Trying on jeans is my favourite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.
Jenna:
Oh come on, Liz. This store is cool. It's huge with all the young people. I mean, all the US.
Liz:
This place is trying way too hard. Why are there straight jackets everywhere?
Jenna:
Because before this was a clothing store it was a mental hospital. It's winky and fun, Liz.
Liz:
Okay, I tried 'em on. Can we go now?
Jenna:
Miss Lemon, you look HOT.
Liz:
Really?
Jenna:
I swear to Kabbalah Monster, those jeans are perfect. Look at your butt!
Liz:
Oh my God, is that me?
Jenna:
Liz, it's the dream! Boy on the bottom, girl on the top!
Salesman:
OM God, those jeans are zing.
Jenna:
This online slang dictionary says it's short for "amazing." Or it's a club drug made from a tooth whitener. Either way you win.
Liz:
I'll wear these jeans out and I'll take ten more pairs.
Salesman:
Tastic. Shall I put the pants you had on in with the jeans?
Liz:
No. Burn them. [whispering] Burn them.

Letters to Juliet.

the other day I had the opportunity to work on some christmas presents, lucky me... what else am I going to do at 3 am in the morning when everyone else in the world is asleep? I sat there and watched the cutest non-real movie ever. Letters To Juliet. You remember, the one with Amanda Seyfried and she is a writer blah that travels to Italy. Ok well it got me thinking. I love writing. I wish I were a relationship expert and wrote to girls like that. Or better yet, I wish I had a column in a magazine that I could write for. A self help or a self satisfying type. How cool would that be?!? But I'd much rather the 'change the world' type. Because I like to fix people. SO lets start tonight. I know I am a man-eater/hater of sorts but I am really not. I recently met a cute boy, nice and neat, sweet and charming, hopefully not a liar/cheater lol. Here's what I would ask me if I had a column:

"Dear Dani: I recently met a guy who is just great and seem to be normal. I have trust issues and am afraid that it will carry into this situation. I want to be happy but I seem to push everyone away, like all the time. How do I not seem desperate but also not seem like I don't care? Sincerely, lost in translation"

"Dear Lost: Sounds like you are in kind of a mess. Maybe you should consider moving out of state and traveling to other cities and countries you've always wanted to see/go. Be selfish while you still can. LIVE LIFE!!! There will always be guys, in fact most of them are just in it for one thing... we all know what that is. So save yourself the trip to the va jay jay doctor for treatment after a bad night of decision making and use that money on a better investment! Good luck! Sincerely, Dear Dani"

See?!?!? I am awesome at giving advice. YUSSSSS!!

Oh gosh

Yes Xmas is a week away. Making presents this year is a pain. But somehow I thrive on the time crunch chaos!

Fourth day of Christmas. Late..

Working night shifts makes for a lack of life... So here is the four beautiful holiday eyes!!! Poor puma. Hates me for making him wear this hat haha but he's the dang cutest Santa ever!

Third day of Christmas.

I was in the cleaning / cooking mood.
Three home cooked dishes!
And yes that's a replica of zupas cheesy cauliflower soup. (: delish

Ball of the belle?

Tonight I had the luxury of wearing a fabulously crafted ball gown..  Attend a masked ball. And make a damn fool of myself. My gimp foot wasn't too bad today. Except now. It's all swollen and hurting again. Ugh. But I did get my hair did and make a crafty cool mask. I wore these scrapbook sticker rhinestone mess on my chest and won a prize for being cute.  It's funny that the night turned out cool even though I didn't have a date. No I'm not a loser. I am glad I represented myself. And I was happy! It's good because I feel confident and pretty enough to hold my own, make new friends at these events, and even befriend the wanna be high school prom queens of young adulthood.  Hahaha it's funny. I don't think they intimidate me really. In fact I was chuckling tonight at the silly girls who kept going out to the camera man to get more slutty hot girl pics to prove their beauty. Who the hell cares really!?!? So you will have some pictures. You know the truth? We all like to look at pretty pictures of OURSELVES! True fact. Vanity is a curse we as young adults take on the burden for. We are on the hunt for a mate like wild animals and instead of sitting in our lion dens like lazy bum lions we go out on the prowl and HUNT for our prey. We jump and roar until we are noticed. Fearsome as we seem we are adult kitty cats looking for someone to snuggle up to by a fire... Back in the den.. Right?! And I am so tired of hunting and starving. I would rather sit by my fire in my Lion den and wait for a prey to walk past hahaha! 

Oh wow. I have become a tired lady carried away in animal planet talk. If we are gonna talk animal planet, I'd rather talk honey badger. Yeah. Haha the honey badger don't give a...  

On the second day of Christmas.

Two cute Christmas stockings!!!

On the first day of Christmas.

My tiffany tree!!!!

Lets get crafty tonight.

So.... Hmmmm I had this huge challenge for Christmas and we all know I am not one to turn down a challenge. It isn't cleaning my room or putting away clean laundry. To easy. It isn't training a new guy to obey. Nah. Not likely. It's Christmas crafts that will be useful and also kick ass awesome. And also tomorrow starts the 12 days of Christmas. I've managed to gimpify myself so I have been home bound. Luckily the X-ray said no fracture. But I got crutches. Thanks to my sissy for taking care of me. I'm a big baby.

Well. To take some notes.

So the idiot that I am.. I sprained my right ankle really bad while training with my trainer. It's very hard to coordinate myself sometimes. But being held up leads you to read some good reads. That and write. It's funny to read this information because I know it's true. From personal experience and my aged knowledge I believe that guys ARE that simple. 

It's all about primordial existence. Take cave men for example. They choose their mates based off her ability to produce more cave men. They work pretty darn hard at their efforts. That s until they find out cave Barbie has three kids from her previous cave man. And then to find she also has a doctorate degree in cave medicinal therapy. Ok far fetched but still. Think Adam and Eve. Damn that eve for being so hot. Shallow Adam wanted one thing. Eve was just the first hot thing he spotted. Haha! Stupid girl. 
Honestly I'm tired of it. The chase. The games. The secrets. The lies. The anticipation and the rejection. Not my idea of what I wanted to be doing at 29 years old. I'm past my maternal age. Being in utah I am actually considered retired in love. (; oh gosh. I guess it's better than being miserable in a crappy marriage or relationship. 
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick. Yeah cyndi. We all hear it. Ha!

I just hope my foot doesn't have any tears or hairline fx. Owe it hurts like a sad beast!! 

Love. Or die.

Come take a walk on the wild side. This woman has the voice of a siren. And is wicked in most dimensions. I feel like a woman when I hear her music. Lately, I have been reading my past posts. I know I can be blunt sometimes and have an opinion that some would find intimidating. Honestly, my mind is simple. It holds knowledge and experience. The two together can be a deadly combination. What is a dream? Why do we dream? We dream because our minds cannot portray in words what our fears and hopes are. A dream is only something so small. Thinking about something so big. So vast, under our emotional grasp but out of our physical control.
It is funny to hear a guys perspective on my blog. I am considered a "man-hater" at best. But it is also funny to hear guys "types" they usually date. I was informed the other night that this guy is not 'my type' because his history of ex girlfriends range from supermodelesque to porn star to actual miss Utah's! Well hunny, I am not your type. haha I have a brain, opinions, I am genuine and loving and caring, and I actually give a damn about mankind and not JUST myself. Guys like this 'type' is considered a tool. They wear affliction, party too much, work to make money so they can party to get laid, brag and boist about stuff and ultimately end up alone. Their possessions and cars and clothes and girls etc... are what defines them. I tend to date d bags like this. Don't ask me why. I was informed that he cares about looks. Well here hunny.. I wear glasses on a night shift, hair in a pony tail, tennis shoes and maybe eye liner if my coworkers are lucky. I like to know that I am ok with myself and don't need to be miss america to live with myself, walk out my door, or show my face in public. Wanna know something else ladies?!? I am totally ok wearing sweats while chillin at home or heels and a sexy top while out on the town. I know I am independent and smart, sexy and silly. The boys of the past are just that. Past. All  a loss to themselves. Watch me make it without any of you.
This brings me to the third topic. MASQUERADE BALL!!! I am attending a once in a lifetime event! I have an amazing gown and corset. My mask is beautiful and will cause wonderment I am sure. This is going to be cinderella in the making. I just know it. WHen I grow up I am going to write a story about a mask ball and a princess to be. Being 29 royally sucks but think about all the prep work I have put forth into becoming the dream woman for someone deserving! This potential man-hater is not really a hater but a lover loathing in wrath and sadness of love past. To be honest... I am actually looking for someone to change that perspective. Serendipity has yet to repeat itself on my behalf I see many cute smiles but never a second time. I should find myself somewhere other than where I frequent. And dear friends/family/ and coworkers: you know me by now. Don't set me up with anyone that would be a repeat offender.
Sincerely Me

Confessions of an insomniac

1. I am so tired alllll the time 
2. My apartment is a mess but organized mess. Like I know where everything is. And all my clothes are clean. Dishes clean. Just nothing is put away. Lazy? Maybe. 
3. I seldomly use ambien but when I do... Something happens and I hallucinate and it freaks me the heck out. I see stuff and say weird stuff. 
4. There is never enough diet coke in the world. 
5. Naps are no longer a luxury. They are habitual.  
6. I neither lose weight nor gain because I hibernate like a bear. 
7. I am a hermit. I tend to lock myself up in my apt a lot. 
8. I swearing drive like I'm drunk. 
9. The smallest annoyances get my itch. Ugh
10. School and homework are obnoxious and tedious. 
11. Movies are to put me to sleep. 
12. My dreams are always vivid. I remember them. Which means I never sleep solid. 
13. The thought of a kid really causes anxiety. 
14. I believe in eating and playing at two am. Why not? 
15. Why sleep when you can cuddle? 

So... I will just have to live with this crap because no one else can fix me. 

12/5

As of this second I am done with school.

I miss my grandpa so much.

Last night was the annual victorias secret fashion show. When I was little we're talking like middle school, I wanted to grow up and be a VS model. When the fashion show came about I remember wanting to strut in heels and wear glamour on stage. When Tyra wore that angel wing setup I thought I was gonna die. It was epic. I had a big dream to be beautiful. American dreams come true. I knew I would be something grand. I never thought it would be thru the eyes of an angel. I wear wings in a sense. Being a nurse isn't all about giving meds and changing dressings. It's deeper. It's a touch that can be felt inside. A smile can make the difference between someone having a good moment or not. I believe in smiling like a lot. I know I get bummed when I get my feelings hurt. It's a fact. Especially because I am a sensitive soul and I am emotionally driven versus intellectually. But no one can tell me I can't do what I want. No one can say that I can't be me!! I need to become accountable for the gym again. I got a little lazy recently with school and work and dating taking over my life. But now that I have finished school and just work now maybe I can focus more on me.

Make fun of match.com day.

Desperate!!?? Or just an idiot?! Lol

I will love you till the end of time....