And the trumpets they go...

So, I had heard a sweet song a month ago and it plays on the radio a lot.
Jason Derulo: Trumpets. I'm sure you've heard this song before. If not, I'll post it on this posty. I happened to go on a date last week and the guy was cute and funny. But as soon as he was comfortable around me at dinner, he let me in on his naughty body ways and how he's not quite divorced yet but has had one heckofatime with all the women that want to sleep with him. The latest he bragged about was a friend with benefits that "won't leave me alone and she always wants to {eff me}". And said he can't deny her because he hears symphonies in his head when she gets undressed. Quoted just like the song illustrates.
Ok what?

Jason Derulo - "Trumpets" from Vh on Vimeo.

Let's just say this immature man slut will not be getting a second date from me... Or anything else. What a weirdo loser. Maybe he was bragging to make me jealous? Who cares? When I think if this guy, I hear, Carly Simon: you're so vain. Bahahahha



Now, every time I hear sweet Derulo sing and hum those lip trumpets I imagine how many guys have thought that about me. Thanks for the great introspection.

How big is my brave?

You know that song that plays in your atmosphere when you are happy, in love, upset, determined or any other feeling you are experiencing at that current space and time? I do. Songs are constantly playing in my head that pertain to my mood or feeling that moment. It's my subconscious trying to comfort me and justify why I am feeling that mood. Just thought I'd share that random tidbit with you.  

I want to address today is about resilience and determination. I am constantly having to show myself how big my brave is. In order to wake up and get out of bed each day (which for me can be very challenging or non existent) I have to put on my brave girl panties, speak my mind, defend my feelings, stiffen my upper lip and rock my hips as I walk out the door and face the world. World. You are my daily challenge. I got this. 

I have so many great things that make me a catch. I just can't settle. The hook-up culture that we millennials live in is very difficult to make any headway towards a relationship... Or marriage for that matter. Being nice is really killing my A-Game. I am available, accommodating, and willing to make plans for a guy I like if it means I am showing that I am putting effort towards this. I tolerate his bull and lies too often. Again about the games. I get played so easily it's almost comical. Like a sitcom. You just wanna shout at the tv, "you stupid girl what are you thinking!?!" As I initiate conversation and show interest. Some one please slap me! Most these guys I attract are just plain assholes. I sit here and wonder what I did wrong when it was actually not me in the first place. His insecurities make him want to keep his iPhone text list full of unread messages. Don't lose your cool girl or let him see it bothers you that you aren't his priority. If he drives you nuts and brings out your inner craycray then he is not the man for you. Sometimes I need a reminder if these things lol

Then I begin to think why can't I be skinnier? Prettier? Blonder? Hotter? Funnier? Sexier? My insecurities rule my life. They were embedded at a very young age and as a full grown woman I still struggle with fitting in. Now rumors at my own job are spreading and I can't take it anymore. I just can't win. Work. Love life. My brain. It seems like the world is caving in on me and I can't breathe. Some days all I can ask myself to do is to just breathe. 

Even in the midst of chaos...

Spoon?

I do not like being the big spoon.
 

and now you know.

To have and to hold...

To have and to hold... Means nothing these days. As a mid-single adult in today's dating scene I have noticed that there is less relationships and monogamy and more casual sex and extemporaneous dating. The premise of dating is to court a woman with the intention of marrying. The pursuit of a healthy relationship is not what anyone is after anymore. All the guys I date are either emotionally damaged and destroyed from a past relationship (ex gf or ex wife) that they build this impenetrable wall. Or they are so hardened and insecure that they become cocky and arrogant and then feel women are a dime a dozen and completely disposable. Why work for someone when they can just get what they want and leave? There is no commitment in the works. No investment. 

Let me tell you something. I am worth it. I deserve a great guy. I don't plan on wasting my time being with someone who won't waste time on me. I want someone to actively want to make me happy and let me do the same. According to the 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman my two love languages I speak are quality time and physical touch. I grew up in a huggy-kissy family where love and affection were expressed freely. I don't understand how a guy can text ten different woman at a time and expect to find a good one when they refuse to invest any quality time in them. Affection goes a long way with women. And some men. Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to just fall for any guy I meet that has a good smile or nice car. 

What happened to chivalry? Guys: girls love that mushy stuff. Sending flowers and sweet notes are not overlooked. Would it kill you to be thoughtful? Or take her on a real date? A date where you call to make plans, open her doors, actually pay for dinner, kiss her goodnight, and txt her the next day to say how much you appreciated her time. And really who doesn't want to kiss a pretty girl goodnight? But honestly a guy will chase a girl until the moment she shows interest back. Then it's no longer a chase. He no longer shows lust and adoration but instead boredom and lack of connection. He almost always needs space. Then, so the game continues. He wants you back. There is no commitment. The love is dead. Just the physical remains. Then he blows you off again. Well until the new girl that he chases doesn't play his game either. Oh the games. Keep us hanging on. Just enough. Then call us crazy for being confused and seeming needy. No one wins. And thus the singledom begins again. I refuse to negotiate. What kind of example am I teaching my future daughter if I just settle. Again. I left a loveless marriage at the hopes of someday finding a good man who will love me unconditionally and honestly. 

next...

How I feel about stupid things

And dating in general... Blair Waldorf, your face says it all.
xoxo gossip girl

Tru blood quote on a Sunday night.

"Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it, it's in the Bible or the Constitution."

-Jason Stackhouse

Ugh I swear

I swear if one more person gets pregnant or engaged I'm going to lose my freaking mind! Can't take it anymore. There's just too much of it.