weekend warrior!

Ohmygosh so I am so super tired! I worked my whole weekend (all three nights) away and spent my day off catching up on homework, dishes, etc. So yeah. FINISHED that! Now onto my bloggy blog catch up. But I am too tired to say anything sastastic tonight. well, technically its morning. You should see my bedroom! Its a TWISTA! A TWISTA! Clothes everywhere. I am a lazy beast. I am so grateful that my teachers at school understand I am struggling a little and helped me to catch up.
On a side note... I really wanna start doing more photography!
On another note, I decided screw my past relationship drama... I am gonna still try to look for a house. Yep. I need to move forward.
So ohmmm. Calm. Meditate. Mind off. Sleeeeeeep.
xoxo, D

Song of the week

Love Is A Battlefield - Pat Benatar

Powered by mp3skull.com

xoxo, D

chick flicks teach us sooo much

Chick flicks:

• How to lose a friendship over a man. 
• How to be sneaky with affairs*
• How lonely life is as a single girl in a big city with a big girl job.
• Fix a past/childhood regret... destroy a potential marriage. (very common in these movies)*
• How to fight over the same wedding date/dress/caterer/dj/
• Love triangles are messy but somehow everyone in them are all interconnected so perfectly
• How to sabotage dates(intentionally) ;)
• What to do when the oppposite sex isn't into you. <- or what NOT to do... 

*And for that matter, have we become so numb as society to produce romance movies that justify, nay encourage infidelity of any sort? Take the movie/book "something borrowed" Wow if you haven't seen it, maybe read the book instead, which I liked better. I don't wanna ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it but seriously. OK take the other movie I saw last night. "He's just not that into you" where the infinite love triangle/lies/infidelity/back and forth. Its completely exhausting. I dunno. I may be just mad still or may be just missing the times where there were more simple relationships and scenarios. Girl likes a boy and doodles his name all over her notebook. See? Simple.

"If a boy punches you, it means he likes you"
Ahhhh man I could go on and on. They really do teach us that everything turns out in the end. Its a movie. But does it really? See it all started when little girls were into disney princesses. They all end up happily ever after but it takes some massive lessons to get there. Care to be intrigued?
 Allow me to start from what I know.
Belle: Ahhh miss Belle, poor little girl in a big city. Forced to love a man who scares her to death. But maybe he will change. If the cards are pulled right. Hang with it my a$$.
Ariel: Change everything about you! Even physical appearances (ariel=fins to legs, me=flat to voluptuous) Then the man of your very own will love you for being that person instead of who you really are.  Even forget your life and who you were before this one. Being the NEW YOU  is all he wants.
Jasmine: Secrets, secrets, don't tell daddy you are dating a poor guy cuz if he finds out hes taking away your mercedes and your credit card. There are consequences... but don't listen to daddy. He knows nothing! haha you really think that daddy wasn't a teenage/20 something boy once?! Trust me... he knows. 
Cinderella: Poor girls don't deserve hot/rich guys. So just settle. Because the evil girls/duck-face-fake-girls are the ones who want those guys. But eventually if you wait it out, they will end up divorced and want a REAL woman with a soul.
Snow White: Ok so how weird is it living with seven male roomates? You are never going to get a guy in real life like that... but this movie was teaching us girls that beauty is punishable by sudden death. Its not ok to accept a compliment because you might eat a poison somethin and DIE! Women are jealous haters.
Sleeping Beauty/Aurora: Wow ok this one was a real lesson. NEVER TRUST ANYONE. Ever. and in doing so, you decide to wall up and not let anyone in. But who can blame her... she was kidnapped and practically killed. Thus the reason I am who I am. :)
Tiana: NEVER kiss a frog. Because they keep coming back for more. (that frog prince tricked tiana by the way, shes dumb) Guys are like stray cats. You give them one little bowl of milk on the porch and they are beggin to come in for more! Huddlin around watchin from the bushes until you open the door... ok maybe not that creepy but texting and calling like all the time.
Mulan: hey, no one likes to date one of their buddies... so stop acting like a boy! Be girly! Paint your toes, like glitter! Wear pink something. Anything. And maybe he will think of you as woman. Double-You-Oh-Em-A-En.:)
And Pocahontas: Ok I barely remember that movie, because It sucked! But the lesson learned there... TWO different cultures don't mix well. The in-laws end up killin eachother. yeah thats the lesson I got from it. :) Have you ever had two sets of parents? One from each side and from different cultures? Can't compromise on anything!

I sure hope you have been enlightened. I posted a bunch of crap on the other blog...  http://dsjustnotthatintoyou.blogspot.com
but this was fun to write too! Nighty night all yall.
xoxo, D

Its so hard being the "XX"

IF I were to give you full and complete access to my online dating profile inbox you would have the best laugh in your life. As much as I am liking all the attention... I am hating it at the same time. I need to move this stuff to another page so girls... think of a name to call it. Ok here it is: dsjustnotthatintoyou.blogspot.com let me spell it out:
Ds just not that into you <dot> blogspot <dot> com
INVITE only. Sorry guys who want to peruse... you gotta ask and be invited to get the dish. I will start writing in it pronto. But in the meantime it will be blank. Might include pics.. or copies of messages... or dating horror stories. Kinda like maneater, but less intense and more fun. I decided to leave this blogdigity blog for real life crap such as photogplans and work gripes/stuff and stories about ramming my car into construction sites etc. Ya know. The personal everyday stuff... So be sure to check it out.

dsjustnotthatintoyou.blogspot.com

suckas 

oh and for the record.. I am all for being set up on dates just for the warning, I am still skeptical and scurrred to death of dating a controlling jerk or a compulsive liar so please don't set me up with those kind of guys... thanks lol


xoxo, D

Song of late:
Jack Johnson - Rodeo Clowns

Powered by mp3skull.com

are you a tool?

Ok ok. So I am ruthless. Friday night I had the wonderful opportunity to go to dinner with a sweet friend. Well I thought she was sweet... and innocent until she pointed out some hot guy and his bad ace truck and called him a "tool" lol hahaha! a what?  It made me think. I spent so much time in a relationship the past two years to notice guys around me. I have to now protect myself once again from the XY: cocky, jerk guys that love themselves and trucks more than anything... who want a hot chick for the night and dress in ED HARDY fleur di lis garb and MEK jeans. But those guys aren't even the ones I have to worry about. Its the creepers!!! The ones with the horrible messages. "Hi are you interested in a benefit only relationship?" or how bout this one... "I have already loved you and lost you. ps can I have my yanni cd back?" I am in for a crazy friggin ride. hahaha what the hell?

So how do I go about all this you ask?

• Internet dating is based solely off looks and a story that could be made up...
• Friend set-up dating is based solely off the fact you have something in common: YOU ARE BOTH SINGLE!
• Speed dating.. well that's un-charted territory for me. 
• Arranged marriage. Hmm well no. thanks tho.
• Stalkers. EEEEEK!
• Then there's serendipity. 

Not too sure what I wanna do yet as far as posting stories, pics, or venting about stuff. I might go back to my dating blog ladies (for those that have access) or create a new one... lemme think about it.

for now... enjoy god's gift to Jersey Shore ( I swear this is not all that's out there!)

The situation haha!

Dear situation: Are you a tool?

ps HAPPY 311 DAY!

summer goal?

I haaaaaave to have to get like this. Just won't accept anything less. lol! But that means brown rice, eggs, protein, meat, and water. Oh and probably gym like 6 days a week. eeek!

it must be exhausting...

Living a double life. How do we women protect ourselves from guys? We are like innocent little creatures and they are vultures watching over their prey. The have no fear. No intuition. No reason to think before doing. they just attack. Life as a double agent includes having to watch your back constantly. Risking everything to get to something. They have a front to maintain. Others think they know you but they have no idea you are playing against them. No one knows the real you. They are lonely and feel isolated inside. And to top it off... they have no real place to call 'home'. To those they love they have to hide. To those that are seductress females holding the key to what they want... they take full advantage of it. (Even the stupid girls he swore were not in his life or meant nothing. They are being fooled as well) Now I may be full of crap because I never sleep anymore but what I realized lately is that I don't need to associate with vultures. The second I got divorced they all came out of the woodworks. I was innocent and naive. Still trying to find a place in the outter world of my bubble. Who knows when they will attack you. Or watch and coerce you and prey so slowly and fervently. They came and conquered and I cried and I hated myself more.

In nature... they male is usually the more attractive one. Because they are desperate to spread their seed. The female is the one desired but has to chose a mate for survival of the species. They aren't stupid. OH no they have instinctual persuasions. They know when the will be shunning a mate or choosing one. Some females though...  do they ever EAT their lover. Thank you black widows. Some can stand up to the predators. Some can not. Like bees, for instance. The queen rules all the bee-land. And all the male worker bees are her slaves. Now. Hmmmmm. HOW CAN THE HUMAN SPECIES REPLICATE ALL THIS FROM NATURE? :)

Now back to women in human form: We are either one of two ways- Evil and kniving, using men as tools to get what we want as well as letting them in return. And the other way, innocent and loving, thinking and hoping the best out of the lover. Which is healthier? which is more detrimental? Well, both. Its funny how I can hold my damn tongue on here for weeks and even months..pretending that I am fine. I don't look forward to dating again. Vultures are everywhere. Its all about the next best thing to them. Trading up like they traded baseball cards back as a kid. What they want. Not what we want. The men that are taken have just found a way to suppress their vulturistic desires. Doesn't mean they aren't themselves, double agents. When I was first divorced, I was stupid and sad. I just wanted love. (Now I am bitter and angry.) I was approached 3 years ago by two guys I knew from years past. Both meet the M.O.:
Married with a kid on the way. Oh married in the temple... And both had stories about how they felt neglected and how I was lucky to be single. Whatever. They both initiated conversations and such. Sent pics and asked for some in return... really? You are married. We can't be friends. I trusted myself to be honest and to cherish love and promises. One's of which I lost back then. Respect for family and marriage. And team work. What did they want in return? A pretty, naive, and sweet girl who they thought would fulfill some sort of fantasy. So what did that tell me about those kinds of boys? What does that show other girls. Even the most non-suspecting guys are predators. They risked everything for some sort of NOW pleasure. I wouldn't be responsible for that. So why now? Why when I decide to move forward with my life, do I get attacked from behind? Its not fair but its nature. I refuse to be a mouse. Sitting and waiting to get chomped to bits. I will return to my instinctual self and trust no one. Life is too short to play stupid games or lose everything over. This is my plea to stand up for myself. I want nothing more than to be OK. I can do it all on my own and have for THREE years now. 3 strikes you are out girl remember this. I pity the damn fool who preys now. They have no idea who I am ! No clue what I have been through my whole life. Most don't give a rats. most just want one thing.

SO here's my promise to myself and my friends. I will not let any man control me. I will never be the first one to cave in a fight. I will bow to no one. I will expect nothing less than royal treatment. And I deserve better than the last... every time. I will not be a fool. I will be told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That includes omittence ya jerks!

Well, cheeeers to you darlin' Here's to you and your lonely life. I am going to live mine to be "thirty flirty and thriving!" Cheers!!!

"here's to the guys who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky bastards who will someday win us"

bitter for the day, D

SONG OF THE MOMENT:
Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know
01. Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody I Used To Know

Powered by mp3skull.com

can't save the world... ?

So this morning I think I had a delirious melt down. Not just because I carry the infamous XX chromosome.. not because I am PMS-ing (because I am not) or preggo (no thank you). Not because Santa didn't visit my house this year or I dropped my favorite color of Sephora glitter nail polish on my brand new jeans. Not even because my dog Lassie ran away... wait, wrong scene. I cried because I am a tired babbling damn fool who decided to not be angry enough with the current situation and instead internalize it as if its all my causal and not my effect. Make sense? OK: So I was stopped by a coworker who (like many friends I have there) cared enough to tell me this: "D you can't save everyone. We as nurses think we can and we can't. Its in our nature but we have to take care of ourselves."

I thought about it driving home... yeah I drove like an idiot MISSING ORANGE BARRELS by the way. And I thought. INSIDE RN WORLD: Like. nurses in the ER do all they can to stabilize a crash victim before transport to surgery. Where prognosis may not be so hot but trust and hope is all they have from there. Nurses comfort the souls of pediatric cancer ridden angels who need love and just that spark of faith even when they know that death is inevitable. They help deliver and save NEW LIFE everyday. Rushing blood and meds to mom. Babies to ICU. Saving two lives for the price of anything. They hold the hands and feed the elderly and dying chronic patients. Trying to keep their dignity and quality of life as much as they can knowing that this will end and it was all for such a short moment in time. We internalize all their burdens. Pains. Losses. Then we take our RN-instinctual souls and carry it out in our world. OUTSIDE: Hold the door for others behind us. Let the little old lady cross the walmart crosswalk at oh, negative 10 miles an hour before driving. Not asking for help, even when its necessary... with anything. Working nights so others can sleep, or work or so they can be home with their children. Sacrificing like so much for everyone else. NOT Eating at dinner time so kids are all fed. Showers? HA! Then the other parts. Marrying someone who doesn't " COMPLETE YOU. " ← sorry Tom Cruise. Because you think things will change. Or hope. Its that damn HOPE engraved in us. Being in long relationships even that end badly but hoping the other will get better and come back different. Thinking if you try hard enough you can fight the cancer-like (bad habit) for them and take on the burden so they can get better and not suffer. What does it do? It burns us out. We can't take care of the other patients that need us in our field if we are burnt out. Just like in our own lives. There's a balance, you see? But the problem is finding it. 

I can't save everyone. Even if I love them. If I was meant to.... I would have a cape and a really cool name. But I CAN decide who controls me and my emotions. Ever since I made that change at work, its been so much better! And with my family, I decided to make decisions and if I have to say no (even though I cave sometimes) I don't feel bad. Because I need to take care of me. I am no good to anyone if I am NO GOOD to myself. And that goes for relationships. We may be superheros but we can't save the world. I can't save everyone. I can't really SAVE anyone but myself. because those that truly love you won't put you in a situation where ultimately saving yourself is the only choice ya got to survive. Now if only I believed all this load of crap I just poured out to you. :) In time, and in therapy. 

But in the meantime, I can save this chocolate covered strawberry from being a waste. 

xo, D