it must be exhausting...

Living a double life. How do we women protect ourselves from guys? We are like innocent little creatures and they are vultures watching over their prey. The have no fear. No intuition. No reason to think before doing. they just attack. Life as a double agent includes having to watch your back constantly. Risking everything to get to something. They have a front to maintain. Others think they know you but they have no idea you are playing against them. No one knows the real you. They are lonely and feel isolated inside. And to top it off... they have no real place to call 'home'. To those they love they have to hide. To those that are seductress females holding the key to what they want... they take full advantage of it. (Even the stupid girls he swore were not in his life or meant nothing. They are being fooled as well) Now I may be full of crap because I never sleep anymore but what I realized lately is that I don't need to associate with vultures. The second I got divorced they all came out of the woodworks. I was innocent and naive. Still trying to find a place in the outter world of my bubble. Who knows when they will attack you. Or watch and coerce you and prey so slowly and fervently. They came and conquered and I cried and I hated myself more.

In nature... they male is usually the more attractive one. Because they are desperate to spread their seed. The female is the one desired but has to chose a mate for survival of the species. They aren't stupid. OH no they have instinctual persuasions. They know when the will be shunning a mate or choosing one. Some females though...  do they ever EAT their lover. Thank you black widows. Some can stand up to the predators. Some can not. Like bees, for instance. The queen rules all the bee-land. And all the male worker bees are her slaves. Now. Hmmmmm. HOW CAN THE HUMAN SPECIES REPLICATE ALL THIS FROM NATURE? :)

Now back to women in human form: We are either one of two ways- Evil and kniving, using men as tools to get what we want as well as letting them in return. And the other way, innocent and loving, thinking and hoping the best out of the lover. Which is healthier? which is more detrimental? Well, both. Its funny how I can hold my damn tongue on here for weeks and even months..pretending that I am fine. I don't look forward to dating again. Vultures are everywhere. Its all about the next best thing to them. Trading up like they traded baseball cards back as a kid. What they want. Not what we want. The men that are taken have just found a way to suppress their vulturistic desires. Doesn't mean they aren't themselves, double agents. When I was first divorced, I was stupid and sad. I just wanted love. (Now I am bitter and angry.) I was approached 3 years ago by two guys I knew from years past. Both meet the M.O.:
Married with a kid on the way. Oh married in the temple... And both had stories about how they felt neglected and how I was lucky to be single. Whatever. They both initiated conversations and such. Sent pics and asked for some in return... really? You are married. We can't be friends. I trusted myself to be honest and to cherish love and promises. One's of which I lost back then. Respect for family and marriage. And team work. What did they want in return? A pretty, naive, and sweet girl who they thought would fulfill some sort of fantasy. So what did that tell me about those kinds of boys? What does that show other girls. Even the most non-suspecting guys are predators. They risked everything for some sort of NOW pleasure. I wouldn't be responsible for that. So why now? Why when I decide to move forward with my life, do I get attacked from behind? Its not fair but its nature. I refuse to be a mouse. Sitting and waiting to get chomped to bits. I will return to my instinctual self and trust no one. Life is too short to play stupid games or lose everything over. This is my plea to stand up for myself. I want nothing more than to be OK. I can do it all on my own and have for THREE years now. 3 strikes you are out girl remember this. I pity the damn fool who preys now. They have no idea who I am ! No clue what I have been through my whole life. Most don't give a rats. most just want one thing.

SO here's my promise to myself and my friends. I will not let any man control me. I will never be the first one to cave in a fight. I will bow to no one. I will expect nothing less than royal treatment. And I deserve better than the last... every time. I will not be a fool. I will be told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That includes omittence ya jerks!

Well, cheeeers to you darlin' Here's to you and your lonely life. I am going to live mine to be "thirty flirty and thriving!" Cheers!!!

"here's to the guys who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky bastards who will someday win us"

bitter for the day, D

SONG OF THE MOMENT:
Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know
01. Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody I Used To Know

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