Isn't time management supposed to alleviate stress?

Ha! Yes. It is. All I ever do is manage my time. WOrk, sleep. Academic counselor at 2 pm on campus, real counselor at 3 pm back in the suburbs, gym appt at 5 pm, bday dress shopping, blah blahhh balhaaaah.  What am I missing? Homework. Bloggy thankfulnesses. Oh just the important things in life. FOOD! HA!
My anti saddy med makes me not so hungry and dry mouthy and whiny so I just forget to eat and instead drink water or diet coke! Thats pretty much what I live on! and gobbstoppers. I eat these things as a helper to stop biting my nails. Sometimes it helps... I hope my borrowed visuals help display the picture... hehe. I am livin off 5 hours sleep here. Geez. So my blog posts sometimes suck when I am tired. I have to state my thanks though cuz Lord knows I am thankful for lots. 'AND HOW?' ← I keep thinking that I am so funny. Not so. Sorry you are forced to read this. Just skip this whole thing all the way down to the thankfulness part.

Day 15: Freedom of speech and religion and choice: 11/16
Well, who on earth is not grateful for this? Some countries are not so lucky. CHINA especially. On http://www.cobourgatheist.com we learn that the following countries have little or no freedom in column 1 and little to some freedom in column 2.

1: Countries of Particular Concern	2: Watch List Countries
Burma China Egypt Eritrea Iran Iraq Nigeria North Korea Pakistan Saudi Arabia Sudan Turkmenistan Uzbekistan Vietnam	Afghanistan Belarus Cuba India Indonesia Laos Russia Somalia Tajikistan Turkey Venezuela

Now I don't mean to get all political on ya but I have to say that this is a big list! Holy moly. So I am definitely super grateful to live in a country where I can have the freedom to write freely, worship how I may or may not, and choose visually everything I do in my life. Thank you God, thank you Pilgrims and The Santa Maria and the Indians and the Corn and the Turkey and the right sided devious from ENGLAND WAYS driving and the freedom from the KING! hehe jk. No seriously I am grateful. 

Day 16: Emotions, love...therapy... 11/17
HAHA how conveniently convenient to land on the day I met with my counseling lady. We talked about miss doormat, uh thats me. ME. And how I can't save the world nor can I please any and everyone or get everyone to like me so I better stop trying. And we laughed at the dumb donkey/ass Aesop Fable. BUT IT's TRUE.
   There was an old man, a boy and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride.

As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they should both walk.

Soon they passed some people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the best thing would be for them both to ride the donkey.

Soon, they passed a group who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor helpless animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The Moral of the Story: If you try to please everyone, you might as we;l kiss your ass goodbye. 

And no one wants that. She also gave me homework. As if I don't have enough. hehe Yeah but I do!!! I have to get A's in school. I have to pay all my bills. I have to make my family happy. I have to have nice clothes. I have to get a permanent residence. Living from apt to apt sucks. Stupid divorce. I hate crying or being sad. But its all apart of life. It's just a good thing that I realized I need a little help when I did. We all do. It's justified to cry. And feel sad and unaccomplished. I don't have a house or a huz or babies or my bachelors or ya know? So I become my own worse critic. So this dumb book has to pertain to me as well. Not just you or you or even you over there! Or the guy who cut me off on the road or stupid century link dummies or the cooks at Fridays who got my order completely wrong twice! 

But... on to the grateful part... I know you were thinking what? Are you whining or grateful? I am confused. lol! I am grateful that I love and show love and am loved! I am thankful to be in a profession where that can happen! And am grateful I am allowed to show emotions. I am an emotional kid. Always have been... which is probably why I don't put up with whining kids. hahaha! I am also grateful for counseling. I am not crazy. Just stressed. Tired. My work sched is about to kill me. So I spend a lot of time trying to find ways to sleep 2-5 hours here and there. I can't take ambien because my MD says I don't have a consistent work /sleep schedule and it's too dangerous to prescribe to me. So I sit and suffer. So we talk about my lack of sleep to. See? I am not crazy. Just exhausted! And on that note I have a vent class tomorrow morning so I have to jump off grave mode for one half day to go to a day class for work and then back on night for one more shift just to go back on days monday. KILLLLLLL MEEEE! I love my job but why can't they spread the variables out a little more? UGH. I am gonna use my emotions that I am grateful for, cry a little, try to force myself to sleep, or not, and then yeah. good friggin night. See there's another emotion. I have so many! Just you wait.