To have and to hold...

To have and to hold... Means nothing these days. As a mid-single adult in today's dating scene I have noticed that there is less relationships and monogamy and more casual sex and extemporaneous dating. The premise of dating is to court a woman with the intention of marrying. The pursuit of a healthy relationship is not what anyone is after anymore. All the guys I date are either emotionally damaged and destroyed from a past relationship (ex gf or ex wife) that they build this impenetrable wall. Or they are so hardened and insecure that they become cocky and arrogant and then feel women are a dime a dozen and completely disposable. Why work for someone when they can just get what they want and leave? There is no commitment in the works. No investment. 

Let me tell you something. I am worth it. I deserve a great guy. I don't plan on wasting my time being with someone who won't waste time on me. I want someone to actively want to make me happy and let me do the same. According to the 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman my two love languages I speak are quality time and physical touch. I grew up in a huggy-kissy family where love and affection were expressed freely. I don't understand how a guy can text ten different woman at a time and expect to find a good one when they refuse to invest any quality time in them. Affection goes a long way with women. And some men. Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to just fall for any guy I meet that has a good smile or nice car. 

What happened to chivalry? Guys: girls love that mushy stuff. Sending flowers and sweet notes are not overlooked. Would it kill you to be thoughtful? Or take her on a real date? A date where you call to make plans, open her doors, actually pay for dinner, kiss her goodnight, and txt her the next day to say how much you appreciated her time. And really who doesn't want to kiss a pretty girl goodnight? But honestly a guy will chase a girl until the moment she shows interest back. Then it's no longer a chase. He no longer shows lust and adoration but instead boredom and lack of connection. He almost always needs space. Then, so the game continues. He wants you back. There is no commitment. The love is dead. Just the physical remains. Then he blows you off again. Well until the new girl that he chases doesn't play his game either. Oh the games. Keep us hanging on. Just enough. Then call us crazy for being confused and seeming needy. No one wins. And thus the singledom begins again. I refuse to negotiate. What kind of example am I teaching my future daughter if I just settle. Again. I left a loveless marriage at the hopes of someday finding a good man who will love me unconditionally and honestly. 

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