Where do I fit? Who is my match?

As a 31 year old woman in utah I find it immensely difficult to go about my day-to-day around this culture.  Divorced... No kids. But independent. I am one awesome catch. (: 

I have to educate you on the three types of men I tend to date and/or meet. Please bare with me for this list is kinda offensive to men. 

It has become extremely difficult to impress the masses, whether it be the GYM crowd, the LDS midsingles(don't get me started) crowd, the too-cool-for-school crowd (being the hot guys and women that all know eachother through some other hot person and has most likely slept with the majority), and the work place crowd. I feel like I am stuck in limbo somewhere in the middle of these worlds.

 

I grow tired though of these boys, current and the two past loves (B#1 and B#2) renting so much space in my head and my heart. I only have so much room and I keep giving space away for free. What's more difficult is my need to belong somewhere. I feel that every time I try to put myself out there I get friend-zoned. 

There are at least 3 different type of guys in my realm that I have broken down to specific traits.

The mormon-ish Guy:

Has never been married

Is certain he is God's gift to women

Picky about most things

Still acts 17 years old (especially when it comes to women)

Has a job but doesn't take it seriously

Lives with 5 other male room mates that are in similar quarter-life crises

Wears his G's but has no problem removing them when necessary

Drinks beer on occasion with buddies and lives on Rock-Star energy drinks but refuses to drink coffee because it is against the word of wisdom.

Is most likely texting you and 10 other women

Refuses to committ and to keep you areound places you in the 'friend' department

Drives a corolla or a civic. 

 

The second type of guy is the Bad Boy:

He lives at the Gym

Might have some tats

Drinks on a regular basis

Is currently having sex with the girl of the week

Posts party pictures and scandalous events on social media

Has a kid, or two, or more. And according to him the mother of his kid is 'a crazy ass b'

Spends more time on his hair and at the tanning salon than you

Watches porn and on that note has nude and suggestive photos on their phones/tabs/computers

Has no intention of ever getting married/re-married

Carries a gallon of water

Has more selfies than a teenage girl

Pretty sure ever girl wants him but only lusts after the sexy female gym buddies

Drives a Beamer or Audi

 

Now for the third type. The Peter P.

He is the polar 180 degrees opposite of the bad boy

His spare time is spent reading good wholesome books, including doctorine

His mom is and will always be his #1

"A date? I can't ask a girl out, maybe a group date is better."

This guy is either pretty slim or fairly large as he does not attend the gym 'barbarians!'

Watches Disney movies and hopes to someday find his princess... dude ya gotta get out!

Lives at home

Has a degree but works for the local church or community outreach because of its fulfilling nature

Rootbeer!

Will cuddle a girl if given the chance and blush at the thought of a kiss

Doesn't call you... just texts...only.

All his siblings are married and have families

Plays basketball as a serious hobby...at the church...with other Peter P's

Drives a Buick or Chrysler

 

I apologize if I missed any pertinent traits within these three pre-and post-judged male types.

Hmmmmm so after you e-slap me across the face... Put yourself in my shoes. And stop saying my single-dom life is all peachy keen. You'd trade me lives for a day. And stop missing magic moments with your babies and mans. Love them more and hold them tighter. For they could rebel against you and cause a mutiny apocalypse. Nah really though. Grass is always greener. This cow is getting tired of the same old bland alphalpha grass and would love to try some fresh fruit and veggies!