Words

If I had an iPad I could actually write what I am thinking and feeling. Bc this is a journal and all you are privvy to info... I have to safeguard what I say and pretend to not care sometimes. I've been hurt far too many times to actually let myself trust or believe what a guy tells me. But in the end... whois alone??? Not any d bag guy. Me! I am. Because I had a fairy tale wish that never came true. And I'm too scared to even believe that I deserve a fairy tale. Let alone a happy ending. So because of my effed up abandonment issues as a kid and my insecurities as an adult I have to live with this! Me. This crazy ass woman who is always throwing away good things in her life and believing she deserves nothing. So freaking what?!? So I'm alone again? Where I should be. Right where I was left to begin with. All you self righteous perfect people who judge and are better than us lowly people have def caused issues. But I'm better than that. I will find love someday. I know I will and I am gonna live that life I worked so hard for. Nothing is going to stop me. Except this hell hole state.
The one thing I will do over next time... Think before every doubt or assumption. Because I know I am a catch and if someone doesn't then that's ok. I don't need to cry anymore. Sorry for the vent.
D