new blogs make meeee happy

So I decided once again to start a blog. Its not a journal like my private livejournal.com, which housed many secrets, thoughts and such from the past two years since my divorce... this is different. I have had a pretty rough time in life lately. I decided to seek counselling. Not just any counselling... REAL therapy. Like with meds and stuff. I have so much negative energy built up in my head. I need to remove these thoughts, mantras, and feelings of negativity towards myself. I know that my life in general would be much more satisfying if I wasn't so mean to myself. So here it is... a blog to and for myself. It will be more positive and help document my progress. Besides, I know my friends and family who read this will be happy to see me taking a step.
Recent sad history: My sweet dear grandpa passed away yesterday. He has been sick for a couple weeks but we did not expect this outcome. Its going to take some work to get through. It is comforting to know I had an aweseme relationship with him. Also, I am new at my job which leads to insecurity and frustration. I feel as though I don't fit in. I don't feel as though I have any friends there really. And thats really hard to admit because I usually make friends wherever I go. I have been diagnosed with major depression by a licensed psychologist. Funny thing is that I denied it... until everything on the list was me to the 'T' sigh, ok fine. I am crazy, What next? LOL!! Well lets get to the bottom of it. I am a fixer and a pleaser. It really takes a toll on my life when I can't do everything. And then I feel bad which leads to self diappointment which then leads to sadness which then leads to messy apartment and lack of sleep, then I am even more sad... I can't make decisions to save my life. It is summer outside and I have managed to stay indoors all day and lay in my bed, while my neighbors loudly enjoy pooltime. But who would want to see me in a swimsuit? See? negative thoughts already... well enough about this crap. Onto the reason for the bloggy.