My blood. Ellie Goulding

"God knows I'm not dying but I'll breathe now. And god knows it's the only way to heal now. With all the blood I lost for you. It drowns the love I thought I knew. " 

I thought about this song for a while now. It really has the beat of a heart to it. I feel like some days all it takes for me not to fall to the ground is knowing that I will be ok in the end. Doesn't take away my hurt and sadness or the fact that I just still don't understand why. As I ponder I admit I miss my Brandon more than anyone. It wasn't fair to me for this to go down the way it has. But god knows I'm trying. He knows that time and my beating heart is the only way to heal now. Moving on. Accepting change. Letting go of things you can't control. Part of this life's challenges. I won't live eternity in the dark. No. I will light it up with every ounce of my being.