"Sagittarius Oct 21 2011 You have a genuine desire to help someone out now, Sagittarius. You have witnessed an event or heard about a situation where someone you know needs assistance. You are ready to pledge your time and your resources, but you may want to investigate the circumstances more thoroughly before you raise your hand to volunteer. It is admirable that you are ready, willing, and able to help - but your offer of assistance may be perceived by either the beneficiary or someone in that person's inner circle as pompous in some way. Make sure your efforts will be appreciated before you make your offer. -- Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope."
I am always doing nice things for others. My job/career is JUST THAT. My life has been just that. My problem is that I try too hard. I am a people pleaser. Try to be funny and loosen the mood. Try and do whatever I can to help or relieve stress or pressure on another. DO what someone else wants me to/fall to pressure because I 'feel bad" or "obligated" or "I don't want them to be mad at me" and IT ROYALLY SUCKS. I have lived pretty much my whole life this way. Being 27 you would think that I wouldn't give a flying pig what anyone else thinks now. I know I am smart. I know I am funny. I know I am determined and successful in whatever I put effort to. I know someday I will be a good mommy. I know I am beautiful inside and out. I know damn well that there is a God and that he challenges me everyday with people of all kinds to see how I react. And sometimes I pass... sometimes I freak... sometimes I worry and sometimes I cave. I want to be the best I can be. Whatever that takes. But I have to realize that sometimes I can just be mediocre and thats ok. I don't have to be liked by everyone. Oh thats a hard one to tell myself. Truly. I hate drama. I don't like the feeling it brings to my insidesies. Or the look it brings to my outsidesies... :( Sometimes I need to vent and writing is one way I do that. Not all my bloggies will be silly and colorful. But today is just not that day. I have a problem with saying no. To anyone or anything. Which is why I got fat int he first place and why I get so bogged down and stressed all the time.
Growing up, my dad used to have a nick name for me. "my little glow in the dark." I never understood it as a kid but as I grew older I began to know more of what it really meant. AND tried to live up to that too. He explained that every time I walk into a room I liven it up and glow and anyone gloomy becomes more cheery. Now he is biased but if that isn't a compliment I don't know what is. I think today, I still carry that inner glow with me. This nurse the other day thought I was sad and wrote me a card saying that I reminded her of a gray rainbow that hasn't had her Jimmy Dean breakfast yet.
Jimmy Dean - Rainbow blue on Vimeo.
silly commercial. Dumb actually. Ok so anyway. To get back to the real story. I want to scream and kick and shout to vent but I really should just have gone to the gym. Look its Jason my cute little trainer. hehe thank you facebook :)
ok ok. I guess I better get going with homework or a shower. I have to get up early tomorrow to go help my dad clean my grandpas house which goes on the list of things I can't say no to. I can't go there. Last time I was there I bawled my eyes out. ugh.
no cute signoff tonight. No bubbliness. maybe tomorrow.
AWESOME! AWESOME!AWESOME!. Loved it. Pretty soon you'll learn to say, "no" and know it's ok. And you're right, no-one likes everyone, so that should no longer be a worry. I especially liked the part where you said, "I know I'll be a good mommy." Loved to know you changed your mind. Horoscope: It was right on. You're definitely a Sagitarius. Love ya kiddo-Miss talking to you.
ReplyDelete